Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the incredible women I have the pleasure of knowing!  A few people asked me if I still had the talk I gave last Mother's Day, so I thought I would post it here for anyone who wanted it. 
~Love, Taryn

Mother’s Day Talk 2011

By: Taryn Dipo

My whole life, I’ve known what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I remember in elementary school filling out a career survey and being so mad that ‘Mommy’ wasn’t considered a career.  I’m the oldest girl of five brothers and one sister and so I naturally fell into the role of “Mother’s Helper”.  Whenever I played Barbie’s or house with my little sister she was always ‘my baby’ and the role of Mom belonged to me.

When I met my incredible husband, it never crossed our minds that we would struggle to have a family.  It’s now six years later and I stand before you grateful for the opportunity to share my journey and struggle with infertility.

I have spent a lot of time praying and crying over this talk, and a lot of time hoping my words will help speak peace to anyone who knows the ache of wanting your arms to be full with a child of your own.  To all of you amazing Mother’s, I join with Elder Maxwell in saying;

“I salute you sisters for the joy that is yours as you rejoice in a baby’s first smile and as you listen with eager ear to a child’s first day at school which bespeaks a special selflessness… You rock a sobbing child without wondering if today’s world is passing you by, because you know you hold tomorrow tightly in your arms”. 

Sisters – thank you for your faith and example in bringing and raising these choice spirits.

In Moses, we read the familiar commandment given to Adam and Eve to “Be fruitful, and multiply and replenish the earth”, this commandment is still in force today and has been issued to each of us as we were sealed to our spouses in the Holy Temples of the Lord.  Sister Julie B. Beck declared, “Mother’s who know desire to bear children”. So what do we do when the desires of our hearts to bear and raise children slowly become the heartache and tears of the cross some of us are asked to bear?

This question has weighed heavily on my mind over the last five years.  I understand the ache you feel when someone else is expecting and you are asked to continue waiting.  I understand the mixed emotions you feel at baby showers and baby blessings and on Mother’s Day while you rejoice in the joy of others and try to keep the tears of your broken heart hidden.  Years ago I started writing journal entries to my children of things I wanted them to know one day.  I would like to share one of these entries.

“Life is not easy.

 Sometimes the struggles we experience make us want to throw up our hands and just give up. For 4 and a half years I’ve wanted you, prayed for you, tried to prepare my body to help you grow.  And time and time again you don’t come.  I’ve wondered many times if I would have been a better person if I might have been able to escape this trial.  That maybe I have lost the opportunity to raise you because I’m not strong enough to be your mother.  My whole life I’ve dreamed of you.  All I ever wanted was to be your Mom.  To play and teach and show you the wondrous world we live in.  We are taught that we all knew and agreed to experience our different trials because we knew they would be necessary to enable us to return to live with our Heavenly Father again. I want to be strong enough and have enough faith to carry me through this.  Whether in this life or the next I will have an opportunity to raise you.  But only if I show my Heavenly Father I can do what He has commanded me to do. 

I hate the resentment I feel when I hear someone else is expecting, I hate that each day I get older I wonder if I’ll be young enough to be the kind of Mom I want to be.  I hate when people tell me what a good Mom I’ll be someday and not knowing if someday will ever come. I hate not knowing if you are coming.  But, I love knowing the Savior will be there to lift me up.

No, life is not easy.

But the Savior has promised if we come unto Him – He will give us rest.  I’m grateful for the Savior, I know He lives.  I will continue to pray for you.  Please know I love you.

All my love, Mom”

After I wrote this I realized I needed to turn to the Savior even more and ask Him to heal my broken heart or I would end up full of the resentment and bitterness I was battling.  I would like to share 3 lessons I’ve learned in the hope that all of us will desire to take our broken hearts to the Lord and allow Him to heal us.

First – We must all pass through the refiner’s fire in order to return to our Father in Heaven.

Elder Maxwell said;

“How can you and I really expect to glide naively through life as if to say, ‘Lord, give me experience, but not grief, not sorrow, not pain, not opposition, not betrayal, and certainly not to be forsaken.  Keep from me, Lord, all those experiences which made Thee what Thou art!  Then let me come and dwell with Thee and fully share Thy joy!”

We cannot expect to receive all that the Father is willing to bestow upon us if we don’t come as close as we are capable to emulating the Savior’s life and example.  In doing this we learn how to submit to all things which our Father seeth fit to inflict upon us.  Sister Ardeth G. Kapp said;

“There will be times when you may feel that your desires are righteous, but the answer is still no.  At that point, the only way to peace is to say, ‘Not my will, but Thine be done.’ The Lord doesn’t have to explain His decision to us.  If He did, how would we learn faith?”

Second – You can be “fruitful” without bearing children.

The scriptures teach us that every good tree bringeth for good fruit; the footnote for good fruit is good works.  Thus, by our fruits (or works) we are known as servants of the Lord or servants of the adversary. When we long for children, we view our arms as empty and waiting to be filled.  But just as we can choose to view a glass half empty or half full, we can choose to view our arms as empty and waiting or open and searching.  We have an opportunity to abound in good works.  Humbly go before the Lord and ask Him what works He has for you to do.  Let your lives be full wells of goodness, always seeking to bless others.

Third – Don’t allow your struggles to become your identity.

It is easy to put an “I am” before our trials, I am single, I am depressed, I am unemployed, I am infertile and on and on.  I have taken this mentality so far that I’ve even looked at the blessing of my body with disgust and distain, viewing it as broken and unable to fulfill the purpose for which it was created. 

 

My very wise Husband reminded me that Eve was given to Adam as a helpmeet before she was commanded to be a Mother. In Moses we read, “And I the Lord God, said unto my Only Begotten, that it was not good that the man should be alone; wherefore, I will make an helpmeet for Him.”  Elder Nelson said speaking of Eve’s creation:

”But in spite of the power and glory of creation to that point, the final link in the chain of creation was still missing.  All the purposes of the world and all that was in the world, would be brought to naught without woman – a keystone in the priesthood arch of creation.”

Brothers and sisters – Cleave to your spouse.  Do not allow trials to separate you, or drive any wedge between you.  You are Sons and Daughters of a Heavenly Father who loves you beyond your ability to understand.  You, through your obedience and faithfulness, are the eternal companion of your spouse and those of you with children are their eternal parents.  That is your identity, those are eternal identities.  Everything else shall refine us and shall give us experience and shall be for our good.  And then, if we endure it well, God will exalt us on high.

Our god has not ceased to be a God of miracles.  He has promised He will not leave us comfortless: He will come to us.  While it may not be given to all of us to bear children here in mortality, there will come the day when our mortal bodies will be raised to perfect immortality and if we have endured well, we will be blessed to be Mother’s and Father’s throughout all eternity.

May I close with these words from John the Revelator:

“And one of the elders answered, saying unto me, what are these which are arrayed in white robes? And whence came they?

And I said unto him… These are they which came out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.

Therefore they are before the throne of god, and serve Him day and night in His temple: and He that sitteth on the throne shall dwell among them.

They shall hunger no more, neither thirst any more, neither shall the sun light on them nor any heat.

For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.”

I testify this promise can be ours, that through our faithfulness our Savior will wipe away all of our heartaches and all of our tears.  In the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, Amen.