"How come when I knelt down, exactly like she said, and asked
'Am I really a daughter of God?', I didn't get an answer?"
She was referring to the promise given during the general women's conference last night by Sister Wixom. She challenged sisters worldwide, "If you ever question that spark of divinity within you, kneel in prayer and ask Heavenly Father, 'Am I really Thy daughter and dost Thou love me?'" I want to echo what Sister Wixom challenged. I know without a doubt the Spirit will testify of our divine nature and our individual worth to our Father in Heaven. I know we are beloved sons and daughters of God and that nothing pleases our Father more than us having the assurance of our heritage. Having said that, I want to write a letter to my friend with some thoughts on the experience she went through. I've asked her permission to write this in this blog in hopes that it might help any of you who have felt the same as my friend.
Dear friend,
My heart aches for you knowing the sorrow you must have felt as you knelt in prayer, faithfully expecting the positive affirmation to come of your Father's love and acceptance of you. I can imagine the anticipation melting into thoughts of frustration and doubt as you wondered if your request wasn't heartfelt enough or that perhaps you weren't worthy of an answer from Him. I understand the hole in your chest as you waited for it to be filled with the confirmation that would press you forward, steadfastly knowing who you are and where you are to go. I can only guess at the thoughts the adversary pushed in with those feelings of self-doubt and defeat. How I wish I could take those experiences away so that you wouldn't have had to suffer so...
But there is the difference between our Father in Heaven and me. I would immediately rush in to rescue you from such an anguish of spirit, where our Father would patiently wait and say "watch". You see, your prayer did not go unheard and unanswered. On the contrary, it rang loud and clear in the heavens. Me writing you this letter is proof of that. But I want you to understand one thing. Because our Father in Heaven loves you perfectly, he will not be slack in His work with you. Elder Maxwell said,
"God is totally serious about his purpose 'to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man,' that his chief concerns are not real estate and political dominion, but the growth of souls, the celestializing of the souls with whom he works.".
Here on earth, we can't imagine one of our children coming to us and asking, "Mom, do you love me?" and us not immediately replying with a resounding YES! But as the Lord has repeatedly taught us,
"My thoughts are not your thoughts neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways,
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Everything our Father in Heaven does for us is to help us return to live with Him, to bring to pass our immortality and eternal life. When we don't immediately get the answer we want, we judge the Lord to be unfaithful, untrustworthy or that we are unworthy of His blessings and love. Typically this can drive us further away from our Father. Let me ask you this, the first day you met your husband, if he were to say to you, "I love everything about you, you are the person I want to spend the rest of my life with", would you have believed him? Would those words have sunk as deep into your heart and soul as they did after you'd been together for a year? How about after your worst fight and him seeing the flaws in your character? Don't the words, "I love you" mean so much more after crying for hours over a heartache that only your husbands words can soothe? The depth of love you have for him now is even deeper than the day you married him (I hope) ;). I believe our Father in Heaven works the same way. It's not that He doesn't love you when your answer doesn't come in that moment on your knees, but that perhaps He has something else in mind to show you of His love for you. Something that will take it deeper into your heart. In those moments, we put ourselves in the best position to hear and see His answers by asking Him to open our eyes to the evidence of our divinity and His love for us.
We live in a world where we are used to instantaneous results. I can talk to someone halfway across the world as if they are sitting next to me. Our devices bring us world news as if these events are happening across the street instead of across the nation. While these miracles are incredible at furthering the work of our God, they have made us forget that the Lord doesn't always work so instantaneous in giving us the answers or blessings we seek. The reason is not because He doesn't love us or desire to do so, but instead because He loves us perfectly and He sees what we need is greater at times than what we want. Prayer is a form of work and we need to work for the blessings and answers we desire. The bible dictionary says:
"Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a form of work and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings."
What higher blessing or gift can we receive from a loving Father in Heaven than to know who we are and how He feels about us? You might ask then, if it's so important, why wouldn't He answer me right away? The best answer I can give is that sometimes when we pray for courage, the Lord sends us a lion to face. When the rush of fear comes, we find ourselves asking why the Lord didn't answer our prayers and we fail to see that it's only by facing the lion that we gain the courage we originally prayed for. Sometimes we ask for endurance and strength and He gives us mountains to climb. Sometimes we ask for faith and He sends us a refining fire. There is opposition in all things so that we can choose faith and trust and belief in our Father. There are delayed answers to prayers so that we can work for the blessing of our answer. And this is so that we can progress and become closer to who Heavenly Father would have us be. "You receive no witness until after the trial of your faith". I know that you are tired of it always having to be hard. But remember the other counsel given at the conference last night. Happily ever after does not come in act two. It's always in act three. This life, this act, is the time for us to prepare to be like God and to return to His presence. Everything we experience here is to further us along to that goal.
No prayer goes unheard. Ever. If you look at the promise Sister Wixom gave, it never said you would receive an answer within 15 minutes the first time you knelt down to pray. It never said it would come in a certain way. She just bore testimony that the answer would come through the spirit. And I testify it will. If you pray for the eyes to see it and the ears to hear it, if you put forth the effort and faith required to receive the witness, and if you keep your heart open to receive it. I testify He will answer you. In His time and in His way, He will answer you.
All my love, Taryn
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