I Will Go and Do....

I know my post is a little late this week.  To be honest, I've been struggling.  Sometimes when I get down on my knees to say my prayers, I ask my Heavenly Father why certain things have to happen.  Why I need to go through certain things and what I need to be learning.  Other times, I just ask why.  I have felt like I've come to a crossroads, for so long I've known the direction I wanted my life to take, and now I have to make these decisions that feel like a plan B and to be honest, I don't want to do them.  As I said my prayers I heard myself saying, "Heavenly Father, I will do whatever you want me to do, I want to do your will."  The other night as clear as day, I heard the words come into my mind, "then do it." 

I think many of us have been at this place in our lives.  We say, "I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded." (1 Nephi 3:7) But then when what the Lord wants us to do doesn't fit in with what we wanted to do, we find ourselves praying and struggling in vain to change the Lord's mind.  Certainly the Lord couldn't really want this from me.. or He couldn't really have meant that I needed to endure all this...

In the Bible Dictionary under prayer we are taught, "Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are made conditional on our asking for them."  Let me repeat, "The object of prayer is not to change the will of God."  And yet night after night I found myself on my knees pleading with my Heavenly Father to change what He has already told me He wants me to be doing. 

I'd like to recount a story from 1 Nephi 4:6,10-13,18 in the Book of Mormon.

6 And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do.
10 And it came to pass that I was constrained by the Spirit that I should kill Laban; but I said in my heart; Never at any time have I shed the blood of man. And I shrunk and would that I might not slay him.
11 And the Spirit said unto me again; Behold the Lord hath delivered him into thy hands. Yea, and I also knew that he had sought to take away mine own life; yea, and he would not hearken unto the commandments of the Lord, and he also had taken away our property.
12 And it came to pass that the Spirit said unto me again; Slay him, for the Lord hath delivered him into thy hands;
13 Behold the Lord slayeth the wicked to bring forth his righteous purposes. It is better that one man should perish than that a nation should dwindle and perish in unbelief.
18 Therefore I did obey the voice of the Spirit, and took Laban by the hair of the head, and I smote off his head with his own sword.

At this point you're probably wondering where I'm going with this, but hang in there with me.. I promise I have a point!  I'm sure at some point in all of our lives we have said or quoted Nephi's words "I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded."  We've covenanted and promised to follow the Lord and the promptings of the Spirit.  But when things get hard, how many times do we go back to the Lord and say, are you sure.. isn't there another way.. do I really have to go through this? 

Let me recount another example: Mark 14:35-36

35 And he went forward a little, and fell on the ground, and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him
36 And he said, Abba, Father, all things are possible unto thee; take away this cup from me: nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt.

We know that the Savior submitted himself to His Father's will and suffered and died that we might have the opportunity to live with them again.  What if the Savior had continually returned to His Father and said, but what about this, can't we do it this way, OR, can't we try this first, or how about if I don't have to go all the way to the cross, certainly all of that can't be necessary.

 I hope you don't think I'm being trite, or making light of the sacrifice our Lord and Savior made for us, I'm certainly not.  I use that as an example because our Savior is the perfect example in all things for us to follow. Heavenly Father communicated His will to His Son, Jesus Christ, and He followed as commanded and not only did He obey, but He submitted His will to His Father, so that what Heavenly Father wanted became what the Savior wanted.  This is what we must do when the will of the Lord is communicated to us.  Submit our will so entirely that we then want for ourselves what Heavenly Father wants for us because we trust that He knows what is best.

Elder Holland makes this point perfectly:
"I speak of Nephi's obligation to slay Laban in order to preserve a record, save a people, and ultimately lead to the restoration of the gospel in the dispensation of the fulness of times. How much is hanging in the balance as Nephi stands over the drunken and adversarial Laban I cannot say, but it is a very great deal indeed.

The only problem is that we know this, but Nephi does not. And regardless of how much is at stake, how can he do this thing? He is a good person, perhaps even a well-educated person.  He has been taught from the very summit of Sinai "Thous shalt not kill." And he has made gospel covenants.

'I was constrained by the Spirit that I should kill Laban; but....I shrunk and would that I might not slay him.' A bitter test? A desire to shrink? Sound familiar? We don't know why those plates could not have been obtained some other way--perhaps accidentally left at the plate polishers one night or maybe falling out the back of Laban's chariot on a Sabbath afternoon.

For that matter, why didn't Nephi just leave this story out of the book altogether?  Why didn't he say something like, 'And after much effort and anguish of spirit, I did obtain the plates of Laban and did depart into the wilderness unto the tent of my father?' At the very least he might have buried the account somewhere in the Isaiah chapters, thus guaranteeing that it would have gone undiscovered up to this very day.

But there it is, squarely in the beginning of the book--page 8--where even the most casual reader will see it and must deal with it. It is not intended that either Nephi or we be spared the struggle of this account.

I believe that story was placed in the very opening verses of a 531-page book and then told in painfully specific detain in order to focus every reader of that record on the absolutely fundamental gospel issue of obedience and submission to the communicated will of the Lord.  If Nephi cannot yield to this terribly painful command, if he cannot bring himself to obey, then it is entirely probable that he can never succeed or survive in the tasks that lie just ahead.

'I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded'. I confess that I wince a little when I hear that promise quoted so casually among us. Jesus knew what that kind of commitment would entail, and so now does Nephi. And so will a host of others before it is over. That vow took Christ to the cross on Calvary, and it remains at the heart of every Christian covenant. 'I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded.' Well, we shall see."

I love the way Elder Holland describes that.  And it's so perfectly true.  We can't only be willing to do what the Lord commands so long as it is easy.  Sometimes it hurts and we wonder why we have to go through certain trials.  But if we will honestly say, I will do whatever the Lord wants of me.  We will truly find happiness.  For it is only when we've submitted completely to our Heavenly Father that He can unlock our full potential for joy and happiness. 

Life is not always easy.  And sometimes, it's gut-wrenchingly difficult.  But I testify that we will not be left alone.  I know that we will have angels round about us lifting us and encouraging us through every step we take to draw closer to our Heavenly Father and our Savior.  I know the power of the Atonement is real and if we will repent and come unto Christ, He will succor us in our afflictions and trials and will lift our burdens until they feel light.  In the name of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, amen.