Meekness Is Not Weakness

This morning during the first session of General Conference a talk was given about meekness. As I listened I thought that I would like to study that characteristic a little more and to try and apply it in my life. I had an impression that I had already studied this and that I should reread the second chapter in the book I'm currently writing. As I did, I felt impressed to share what I had written on this blog.

"The most magical place in the world is my Grandparents house in Bandon Oregon. I recognize that statement is a little biased.  Nevertheless, it is a truth for me.  Every year from as far back as I can remember, we would drive up to Oregon and spend a week or two with my Grandma and Grandpa.  That place is incredible, 7 acres of indescribable magic.  The whole property is covered with evergreen trees and blanketed with gorse with random meadows cut out of the vegetation dotting the property.  As a child we would play from sun up to sun down “down below” on the property.  This place was a breeding ground for imagination.  It was here my cousins and siblings created a game called Sailor Warriors. 

I won’t go into the details of the game or how it was played, but I bring it up to introduce this chapter.  When was the last time you thought about or played a game from when you were a child?  Do you remember when your imagination used to be endless?  I remember playing these made up games for hours, never tiring of new ideas and fresh adventures.  We used to build the most elaborate blanket forts you can imagine.

So why do I bring this up?  As you think back and learn about yourself by reviewing your childhood and seeing the reasons you are the way you are as an adult.  You will come across these times of pure and carefree joy.  It is important to reintroduce this joy back into our lives.  Now please don’t misunderstand me, I’m not suggesting you relinquish your responsibilities and become childish.  Rather, I’m encouraging us to be more childlike. 

As we talked about earlier, as we grow and mature we develop certain traits and characteristics which are cultivated by the way we were raised, the different circumstances our roots are founded in, and the different experiences and situations we’ve lived through.  However, as we grow and develop, we tend to lose or grow out of traits and characteristics as well.  Some of them are best left in the past, impatience, whining, temper tantrums, etc.  But some of these traits we could all benefit from if we strive to bring them back into our lives.  Let me give you a few examples. Meek, humble, full of love, non judgmental, playful, imaginative, resilient, happy, and positive, these are just a few of the many amazing characteristics a lot of us lose as we grow up.

Let’s start with meekness.  What does it mean to be meek?  Some of the definitions seem very negative, especially in our society today.  Meek can be defined as spiritless and tame or docile; this is not the definition I would like to focus on.  Rather, I want to focus on these words: gentle, kind, unassuming, and forbearing.  Can you imagine a world where more adults strived to have these qualities, where we sought and taught to be kind to one another and looked past the differences we label each other with? 

Can you still have strength and be meek at the same time?  I believe so.  Think of the definition of the synonym forbearing:  tolerance and restraint in the face of provocation.  If you really think about this, doesn’t it seem to reason that being meek actually lends us more strength?  After all, as C.S Lewis said, “you find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down.”   We understand the true strength we have inside when we do not allow ourselves to be provoked.  Tolerance and restraint in the face of provocation, think of the possibilities that could open up if more people sought for these characteristics.

Let’s dig into that concept a little further.  What does it mean to provoke someone?  The dictionary lists a couple ideas: To incite to anger or resentment, to stir to action or feeling.  Keeping these definitions in mind, think of someone or something that provokes you.  It could be a co-worker, or, on a broader scale, your job in general.  It could be family situations or family members, it could be traffic, bills piling up, the laundry baskets full and overflowing, losing a loved one, or the neighbor’s dog that will not stop barking.  I think you can tell where I’m going here.  There are endless possibilities everyday for us to become angry, resentful or be “stirred to action or feeling.”  But if we can instead respond with meekness, how much more control have we taken back of our lives?  We don’t allow these situations to control us or provoke us because we have formed characteristics inside ourselves that give us more power and strength in these situations.  That is power to me, that is strength and that is total control of our lives.

 

So how can we gain this characteristic in our day to day lives?  This will be an individual journey undertaken by each person, but the basics are the same.  We must first look at the sources of conflict in our lives.  Where is the provocation coming from, what is my reaction?  Very similar to learning about the child inside of you, your reaction to different stressful situations will tell you a lot about how you can overcome your reactions.  I have found for me, if I can change how I react in a situation, the situation will more than likely follow suit.  If you get angry driving down the freeway and find that people are all “idiots” perhaps changing your perspective is the first step.  You can’t change how everyone else is driving, but you can assess how you drive.  Ask your friends or family for their opinion on your driving, if you start getting responses such as “I’m afraid for my life when I get in the car with you” or “If I’m afraid I’m going to be late, I don’t want to drive with you” maybe there is something you are contributing to the driving. 

 

It’s very difficult to ask for someone else to give you possibly negative feedback, and even more difficult to respond gratefully to the feedback.  But if you first look within yourself and how you are reacting, you will find the key to meekness in your life.   Once you are in a good place of improvement, you can begin inviting others to help you.  If you are constantly at odds with your spouse, child, co-worker, sibling, parents, etc., invite them to have a calm conversation about the conflict.  Make sure you stay open during this dialog, you will more than likely hear some hard things and learn weaknesses about yourself you were trying to deny or weren’t even aware of.  Keep this conversation one of mutual respect and willingness to implement suggestions and feedback you receive and you will be amazed at the difference you will find in your relationships.

 

For years, my younger sister and I had a strained relationship.  It seemed we couldn’t be in the same room without insults flying or hard words creating even harder feelings.  I, being the overly emotional person I am, usually ended up tears at the end of these exchanges.  For years I would tell people, I have 5 brothers and 1 sister, I’m extremely close to my brothers, but my sister and I don’t get along.  At all.  One day as I was telling someone the same story about my sister and I never being able to get along, and how I didn’t think there was any hope that we would ever get along, a thought occurred to me.  I had an ingrained idea about our interactions.  I had the same expectation every time I saw or talked with her and I had become complacent with the idea that this is just how things were. I realized I had molded myself into this situation and reacted according to my expectations.  I never called my sister just to say hi, I never called to see how she was doing.  I kept myself guarded and safe from her and without realizing it, I was adding to the rift in our relationship just as much as she was.  So I made a promise to myself, I would call or text my sister at least twice a week just to see how she was doing, just to say hi. At first it was hard, there were still the hard feelings and cautious behavior on both sides, but eventually the walls came down and we started to be sisters. The amazing thing was we never really even had to have a conversation about why things had been so hostile between us for so many years.  Just looking within myself and being willing to change and see my own part in the situation enabled us to move forward with a healthy relationship founded in mutual respect and love.

 

Let’s recap what we’ve learned about meekness.  It is the ability to face our lives with kindness, gentleness, and no expectations of entitlement.  It is the ability to face our trials and hard times with forbearance.  What a definition of strength and dignity.  What a hope for our futures, if we could learn to implement such a quality."

I'm grateful to Heavenly Father for reminding me what He had already taken the time to teach me, and even more grateful for the opportunity and ability to share those lessons with you. I know these things are true. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen

All my love,
~Taryn