What If It Comes to Stay?

I have been thinking about this post for a long time. I've written it over and over in my head, sometimes with many different endings. I felt impressed today to actually write what has been going through my mind and to be incredibly honest. I hope that something I write might help you or encourage you on the path you are walking. Most of the time I write about a specific topic or thought, so I apologize if this post seems a little incoherent or unfocused.

I have been thinking about this phrase for a while now. In some form or another, this phrase appears almost three thousand times in the Bible and Book of Mormon. I have always tried to take courage from this phrase and the many, many examples in the scriptures of hard times passing. It never says "and it came to stay". What we don't realize or think about sometimes is the immense amount of time that can be covered by that simple phrase. Let me give you a few examples.

"And it came to pass that in this year the people of Nephi again were hunted and driven."

"And it came to pass that his wife died, being an hundred and two years old. And it came to pass that Coriantum took to wife, in his old age, a young maid, and begat sons and daughters; wherefore he lived until he was an hundred and forty and two years old. And it came to pass that Coriantum did walk in the steps of his father, and did build many mighty cities, and did administer that which was good unto his people in all his days. And it came to pass that he had no children even until he was exceedingly old."

The first one spans a year, a whole year of the people of Nephi being hunted and driven. The second example spans a lifetime. Coriantum and his first wife had no children and she lived to be a hundred and two years old. I can guarantee in both of those examples, to those people, to Coriantum and his wife, it did not feel as those things would ever come to pass.

What do we do when we are in the midst of these times? When we feel our strength is spent and that struggles will never leave our lives. The past few months I have felt my testimony being broken, which is a scary thing to admit and an even scarier thing to face. Each of us have struggles and heartache to face and endure through in this life. I admit that in the midst of my refining fire I lost sight of my Heavenly Father's watchful eye and cried out that the flames were too hot and I feared that the flames would consume me. I found myself questioning everything I thought I believed my entire life. I lost hope and stopped exercising faith that things would ever get better. I metaphorically sat down on the straight and narrow path and cried I was too tired to keep going. I watched others around me move through tough times and trials and wondered why it seemed that, instead of receiving the relief I had been praying for, I was instead having the heat turned up even higher. I would watch others receive direction and answers to prayers and secretly wonder in my heart if Heavenly Father had forgotten about me or if I had done something to deserve His wrath and punishment.

I want to tell you the three things that helped to pull me up.

First, I was listening to a question and answer session between some members of the church and Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. Several times during the session he repeated this quote. "You can have anything you want, or something better". I thought about that and, to be honest, struggled with it at first. It seemed to me that nothing I had wanted for my life had come about and instead I was asked to face struggle after struggle. Always out of the frying pan and into the next fire. The thought entered into my mind, what if the struggle is the something better. Even as I type this, it is not an easy lesson to take into my heart. I have tears streaming down my face because I am tired of struggling and facing things I pray not to face. I planned for my life who I thought I would be, but Heavenly Father wanted something better and I had to ask myself if I was willing to trust that the path He led me to to get there truly was for my good and done out of love.

So lesson #1, you can have anything you want or something better. But Heavenly Father is the only one who can take you to that.

Second, Heavenly Father is not learning anything new about you. I don't know if you have experienced this same thought process, but sometimes I get in my mind that I have to prove to Heavenly Father that I will do something, or overcome something. When Heavenly Father asked Abraham to sacrifice Issac, He wasn't learning anything about Abraham. He knew what Abraham would choose, He knew that Issac would submit to His father. Abraham and Issac needed to learn something about themselves. How many times have you said "I can't do this anymore". I've cried those words to Heavenly Father more times than I can count. But Heavenly Father knows when that point is better than I do.

 

 

So lesson #2, Heavenly Father knows you better than you know yourself. Who you are becoming is already before Him and so if He is asking something of you, remember this:

Last lesson, It. Is. Ok. To. Struggle. The scriptures are full of Prophets and incredible men and women who cried out in doubt and fear and pain and weariness. We have the Atonement for a reason, our Savior did not come to save those who were already perfect. It was to bridge the way for us to return to them when our own mistakes and shortcomings set fire to the bridges required to enter their presence. I found when I saw good things happening for others or prayers being answered my mind would draw the conclusion that Heavenly Father loved them and not me. It is part of being human and fallen that brings those thoughts out. It's the root of jealousy between us all. We connect and compare ourselves with others. Our Father in Heaven does not do that. He is individually working with each of us. That is why it is SO important that we each develop our personal relationships with Him. I was talking to (or sobbing incoherently to) an incredible friend of mine on Friday and she said to me, "I pray and see the blessings Heavenly Father sends into my life, I see my hard times pass, but I don't ever see that happen for you and I don't understand it. I don't understand the way Heavenly Father works with you, but I know that He loves you." What an incredible testimony. It is almost exactly like my favorite scripture in 1 Nephi 11:17, "And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." It is up to me to trust that the way Heavenly Father works with me is to bring out the best in me.

Lesson #3 can be summed up in this quote from Elder Holland:

To all who read this, I understand how in the midst of the struggle it is not always possible to believe or see that things will come to pass. Whether it be a year of struggles or a lifetime, the burden is real, the heartache is profound. But I know more surely now than ever before that the promise to those who believe and continue crying to the Lord, even in their doubt, is real:

"And one of the elders answered, saying unto me, What are these which are arrayed in white robes? and whence came they?... And he said to me, These are they which came out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. Therefore are they before the throne of God, and serve him day and night in his temple: and he that sitteth on the throne shall dwell among them. They shall hunger no more, neither thirst any more; neither shall the sun light on them nor any heat. For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes."

May each of us root our testimony deep in the Atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ. In Him who has promised to wipe every tear from our eyes. We are safe in His arms, we are treasured in His heart, we are remembered on the palms of His hands, we are cherished in His sight. And His love, will always come to stay. In His sacred name, even Jesus Christ, amen.