Most of us are familiar with these children's rhymes: "sticks and stones make break my bones, but words can never hurt me" or "I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you". All it takes is to turn on the news and see the suicide rates and low self-esteem to realize how false these statements are. It would be better to teach our kids, "sticks and stones may break our bones, but words can shatter the heart". However, my thoughts today are actually not about the words we say to others, but rather, the words we say to ourselves. The quote above "your words have the power of life and death choose them wisely", may seem a little extreme. Can our words to ourselves really have that much power?
I was asked recently what I would teach if I had the opportunity to teach one thing. This was my answer: I would teach the people on this earth to understand who they really are. Sons and Daughters of the Most High God. I would teach them this truth until it was part of every fiber of their being. I would teach them to understand that everyone around us is literally our spirit brother and sister. If we had this understanding, it would change the way we view our whole lives.
So how does this fit in with our words? Let me explain. I can't count the number of times I have sat in sacrament meeting and heard a sweet mom get up to express gratitude for a new baby in their family. Usually you hear something like this, "I'm so grateful Heavenly Father trusted me enough to send this beautiful baby into our home". My mind would immediately respond with, "well, that must mean Heavenly Father doesn't trust me enough to send me a baby". That statement is so far from the truth and yet we do this all the time. I know, especially for women, we have an internal dialog with ourselves which usually is very demeaning, rude, callous and condescending. We would never dream of treating others the way we treat ourselves on a daily basis. And yet that voice inside us (which truthfully should be our greatest supporter and friend) is constantly putting us down and making us feel inadequate.
I titled this blog "I am's and other life defining statements" because there are a collection of statements I want us to start thinking about. The first one is I am. This is one of the most powerful statements we can use with ourselves. "I AM" is actually one of the Savior's names. "Thus saith the Lord your God, even Jesus Christ, the Great I Am, Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the same which looked upon the wide expanse of eternity, and all the seraphic hosts of heaven, before the world was made". I am means to exist or to be. When you use this phrase, this name of our Savior for yourself, you are making a permanent declaration about yourself or your character. Far to often we are using it with things that are absolutely not permanent. But when we speak them, whether out loud or in our minds, we are giving them power. We are declaring it as part of our existence. Let me give you an example. If you were to ask me why I have no children, I could respond by saying, I am infertile. It would help you understand, right? It wouldn't seem like I said something derogatory, right? But what I said is actually not true. Being infertile is not part of my eternal destiny. It is not part of who I am. Infertility is an experience I'm going through here in mortality. The better answer to that question would be, I'm going through infertility. Can you see the difference? I see this with so many things. I am depressed. I am terminally ill. I am weak. I am __________ you can fill that in with whatever you tell yourself on almost a daily basis. Because I am is one of the Savior's names, it should only be accompanied with things that are eternal. I am a Daughter of God. I am a Mother. I am a wife. I am faithful. I am ______ (you think of something good to say about yourself here). I won't go into detail about some of the other statements, but I will list them for you to think about. You are. I can. I can't. You can. You can't. All of these statements (whether to ourselves or to others) have the power to shape our life and lead us towards our Savior which is eternal life, or the opposite way. Do not allow anyone (including yourself) to use the power of those statements to shape you into something you are not.
This life is a lesson in profound experiences. Truly we are here to be proven to see if we will do whatsoever thing we are asked and commanded to do. We are to prepare to meet God. And, to be honest, I don't think a lot of us take that seriously. We look at things that come into our lives and ask "why is this happening to me" when we should instead be asking, "why is this happening for me". Everything that we experience here in mortality has the potential to make us closer to or further away from the type of person qualified to inherit the Celestial Kingdom. All of our experiences work for our good if we trust and love God. Do you understand why the one thing I would teach is an understanding of who we are.
I feel like I've been all over the place. Let me try to wrap everything together. Earlier I mentioned the statement I've heard countless times.. "I'm so grateful Heavenly Father trusted me enough to send me this baby". I should be able to follow that by saying, "I'm so grateful Heavenly Father gave me this experience of infertility". Both mothering and infertility are experiences. One is eternal and one is not. I will be a mother one day and then keep that calling and role for all eternity. My infertility is not eternal. I am a daughter of God going through infertility. Try that out, take the thing you always say you are and change the statement. "I am a son or daughter of God going through ______". Learning to see the experiences we are given (good and bad) as things which allow us to refine and strengthen the things which are eternal, helps us to keep the proper perspective when we feel overwhelmed. I won't be infertile forever. I won't be weak forever. I won't be depressed forever. I won't be alone forever. We need to change our internal dialog, that voice in our head, and realize that we are astounding creations of our Father in Heaven. Do not allow anyone to define who you are by saying who you are. Those life defining statements should only come from Him who is the Great I Am. Listening to His words will help you to see who you are and who you will be. For eternity. I say these things in the name of Him who is truly the author and finisher of our lives and our selves, even Jesus Christ. Amen
All my love,
Taryn
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